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Celebrating the Holidays with a Loved One Who Has Dementia

The holidays are filled with cherished traditions—lighting candles, decorating trees, preparing special meals—that bring families together. But when you have a loved one with dementia, these joyful activities may come with challenges. Whether it’s Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa, it’s important to adjust traditions to fit your loved one’s needs while creating a comforting and joyful atmosphere. 

Here’s how to celebrate the holidays with a loved one who has dementia, focusing on preserving traditions while ensuring their comfort and safety. 

1. Set realistic expectations

The hustle and bustle of the holiday season can be overwhelming for someone with dementia. It may be time to adjust expectations: 

Simplify your plans: Instead of a packed holiday schedule, focus on a few key traditions that your loved one can enjoy. For example, decorating a small Christmas tree together or lighting the menorah at Hanukkah without extended family around. 

Be flexible: If your loved one seems fatigued or disoriented, don’t hesitate to adjust or scale back plans. Be sure family or other visitors know this may be necessary.  

Limit large gatherings: Crowds and noise can be confusing. Consider having smaller family dinners at Thanksgiving or quieter Kwanzaa celebrations where your loved one can feel more comfortable. 

2. Incorporate familiar holiday traditions

While complex activities may be difficult, many holiday traditions can still be adapted to engage your loved one in meaningful ways: 

Decorate with familiar items: Use holiday decorations they recognize, like family ornaments for the Christmas tree, an heirloom menorah for Hanukkah, or cherished Kwanzaa kinara candles. Familiar objects can spark positive memories. 

Serve familiar holiday foods: Offer traditional holiday foods that your loved one enjoys and recognizes. Avoid new or complex dishes that might cause confusion. 

Play holiday music: Familiar Christmas carols, Hanukkah songs, or traditional Kwanzaa drumming can evoke warm feelings and bring a sense of comfort and connection. 

Engage in simple activities: If your loved one always enjoyed baking holiday cookies or helping with Thanksgiving dinner, involve them in easy tasks, like stirring batter or setting the table, so they feel included in the preparations. 

3. Create a calm and safe environment

The holiday season often brings changes to routine and surroundings, which can be disorienting for someone with dementia. A calm, familiar environment helps reduce anxiety: 

Maintain a routine: Keep daily schedules consistent, even during the holiday season. If you’re lighting Hanukkah candles or gathering around the Kwanzaa kinara, do so at the same time each evening to create predictability. 

Simplify holiday decor: Avoid overly elaborate decorations, such as flashing Christmas lights or large displays, which could cause confusion. Consider replacing traditional candles with flameless ones, even for menorahs.  

Create quiet spaces: Ensure there’s a quiet, comfortable area where your loved one can retreat if the holiday activities become overwhelming. Be prepared for them to prefer quiet time alone. 

4.  Involve family with patience and understanding

Family members who don’t regularly interact with your loved one may not know how to adjust their expectations for holiday gatherings. 

Prepare visitors: Brief family members ahead of time about your loved one’s condition and remind them to be patient. For example, during Christmas dinner or a Thanksgiving meal, suggest focusing on shared moments rather than detailed conversations that could be confusing. 

Suggest shorter visits: If extended family is visiting, consider encouraging shorter, staggered visits to avoid overstimulation for your loved one. 

Avoid correcting: If your loved one becomes confused about names, dates, or details, remind visitors not to correct them. A gentle response will keep the atmosphere calm and positive.

5. Mind their health and well-being

The holidays can be both physically and emotionally taxing, so it’s essential to prioritize your loved one’s well-being. 

Watch for overstimulation: Keep an eye out for signs of distress or fatigue.  

Stay on top of medications: With all the excitement of the season, it’s easy to miss medication schedules. Set reminders to ensure your loved one stays on track during the holidays. 

Your presence is the best gift 

Celebrating the holidays with a loved one who has dementia may require some adjustments, but the season can still be full of love, joy, and connection. Whether you’re decorating a Christmas tree, lighting candles for Hanukkah or Kwanzaa, or preparing a Thanksgiving feast, the key is to focus on what brings comfort and happiness to your loved one. Remember that the best gifts you can offer them are your presence, patience, and love.